There are a thousand and one ways to make yourself feel completely miserable. Stress, anxiety, fear, competition etc etc. And you work hard to overcome these thoughts, usually, to only plunge deeper into the abyss. You start freaking out over why you can't control your emotions. Why you can't stay happy always. Why you cant choose what you think. WHY CANT EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD BE PERFECT?!
Well, that can be one approach, and I won't declare it to be wrong. Its just another approach. But does it make you feel any better? Nope.
But I don't wanna talk about how fundamentally wrong people's approach to their problems are. Mine are that way too.
I am simply writing this blog because I want to address my weaker half in second person. And that surely seems to be working well.
Well, the problem began when I started performing exceptionally well in my tests. (No I'm not trying to show off.) It had always been that way but the thing that was different this time was that it was in the midst of other exceptionally good students. So instead of treating it as something that was natural for me, I began to get awed by my own achievements. I began congratulating myself, extravagantly. And it was not overconfidence I was overcome by. No. It was self awe.
That thing it achieved a few years ago. Was it really me? Wow, I must have been quite intelligent. How had I managed to do that? Why had other people not bothered me then? Will I be able to maintain the standards I have set for myself? Will I be able to do it again? Was it sheer luck?
And that is how I blew up my second test. For almost a month, I was in the gloom of what had happened when there was another test, and a surprise one this time. I didn't have time to reflect on how I was feeling emotionally or what my standards were. I simply attempted it like I would attempt every other test. Then, I performed well again.
So what I drew from this experience is that if my goals are external, like trying to beat others, I will end up in depression forever. But if they are aimed at making myself able, I am driven by creativity, not desperation. And as to how I can choose to think one way over the other, well, I think creativity is always more powerful than anxiety. Creativity is everyone's true nature. Just let yourself be and it will take over...
Well, that can be one approach, and I won't declare it to be wrong. Its just another approach. But does it make you feel any better? Nope.
But I don't wanna talk about how fundamentally wrong people's approach to their problems are. Mine are that way too.
I am simply writing this blog because I want to address my weaker half in second person. And that surely seems to be working well.
Well, the problem began when I started performing exceptionally well in my tests. (No I'm not trying to show off.) It had always been that way but the thing that was different this time was that it was in the midst of other exceptionally good students. So instead of treating it as something that was natural for me, I began to get awed by my own achievements. I began congratulating myself, extravagantly. And it was not overconfidence I was overcome by. No. It was self awe.
That thing it achieved a few years ago. Was it really me? Wow, I must have been quite intelligent. How had I managed to do that? Why had other people not bothered me then? Will I be able to maintain the standards I have set for myself? Will I be able to do it again? Was it sheer luck?
And that is how I blew up my second test. For almost a month, I was in the gloom of what had happened when there was another test, and a surprise one this time. I didn't have time to reflect on how I was feeling emotionally or what my standards were. I simply attempted it like I would attempt every other test. Then, I performed well again.
So what I drew from this experience is that if my goals are external, like trying to beat others, I will end up in depression forever. But if they are aimed at making myself able, I am driven by creativity, not desperation. And as to how I can choose to think one way over the other, well, I think creativity is always more powerful than anxiety. Creativity is everyone's true nature. Just let yourself be and it will take over...
